Friday 29 June 2018

Chocolate DOES make everything better


When it comes to gifts, I'm a giver. I love giving people presents. I'll always bring a bottle round to dinner to thank you for having me. If you're ill, expect some flowers. I even regularly bring in food for people who work at my gym. Why? I guess I love seeing that look on my people's faces when they receive something nice. It's heartwarming, and genuinely makes me happy - so, in a way, it's almost selfish (as Phoebe once said, there's no such thing as a selfless good deed), but I don't care. I shall continue to be selfish, if that's the case.

If you're like me, then Lily O'Brien's personalised chocolate gift boxes make gifting a little bit more special than a bouquet of flowers or bottle of wine. With these, you can add photos to a box of their delicious chocolates, so that you can enjoy a yummy treat whilst reminiscing over your favourite memories. 

Lily O'Brien's got in touch with me to nominate someone to receive a box* of chocolates, and I chose my sister. Over the past few years, we've been through a lot together and separately, and I can see her growing into a stronger person every day, which has been inspiring. Although I don't share too much about my family on my blog, I thought it would be nice to feature my sister, as she has been a constant in my life where others have not.

Needless to say, she was super excited to receive this lovely box of chocolates, which contained two layers of chocolates from Lily O'Brien's Elite Collection consisting of all my favourite flavours: Himalayan Salted Caramel, Zesty Orange Chocolate, and many, many more (are you salivating as much as I am?)

You can choose one, two or three photographs top top off your box, and these come framed to form a gorgeous keepsake for your recipient. This particular box is £30, and you can also find the Chocolate Indulgence photo box for £16.50 and the Desserts Collection photo box for £12.15. Have a browse on their site now and let me know if you made an order for your special someone!

*Gifted for review
Share:

Friday 22 June 2018

What is gaslighting and has it happened to you?


Gaslighting isn't anything new. In fact, the term stems from a play by Patrick Hamilton called Gas Light, in which the main character Bella is made to feel insane by her husband Jack, who disappears every night and flirts with their servants.

The word has been used to describe behaviour in a relationship where one party tries to manipulate the other's perception of a situation by making them second-guess themselves. For example, in a physically abusive relationship, the opressor may deny that they were ever violent towards the victim, making the victim question themselves. It creates dependency for the victim and control for the opressor, which is obviously toxic in a relationship.

The reason I'm talking about gaslighting on my blog today is due to the amount of media coverage surrounding Love Island's Adam and his attitude towards Rosie. I'm a follower of the show (and I'm not afraid to admit that because I think you can watch something and just appreciate it for what it is instead of trying to rise above it and criticising it when it is obviously trashy TV), and from what I've seen over the past few seasons is the beginnings of some very real instances of emotional abuse. We'll get to Adam later, but we've also witnessed Jonny being controlling over Tyla, Olivia verbally abusing Chris (who was then revealed to have a history of struggling with mental health) and Kady hurling abuse at Tina and Scott (the latter being arrested for assaulting Kady following their departure from the villa).

Some might say that, with all of these negative relationships being portrayed, Love Island is a pretty toxic show. But I think that it's important that these kind of relationships are highlighted and talked about, as creating a dialogue could help people who are struggling in similar relationships get the help they need.

Unfortunately, these situations happen too often, and victims may not even know about it. For example, I was gaslighted when I was younger. I didn't know it was happening, and now looking back I wish I had seen Love Island and read the media coverage so that I could have helped myself.

I was a teenager at the time, and was seeing a boy who had a very close relationship with a girl who he insisted was a friend and made me feel insane for thinking otherwise (and even painted me out to be insane to other people). But I knew that they went on nights out together a lot and texted each other at all hours, and even other people were asking me what was happening between him and this other girl. All the signs were there - lying, denial, and a completely sociopathic lack of empathy for me and how the situation was crushing me inside.

Eventually it turned out that I was right to be suspicious, and I'll leave it at that. But I really wish I had been able to identify this behaviour, or at least had someone 'in the know' to tell me how to deal with it. Instead, people were giving me the old 'boys will be boys' talk, or telling me to 'leave him alone otherwise he'll think you're nuts and leave you' - like it was my fault he was acting like that, and I was pushing him away.

It was a really sad time in my life, and because of that, it really hurts to see it happening to other women. When I watched Rosie pouring her heart out to a stone-faced (and almost smirking) Adam, it reignited that sadness, as well as frustration and anger. Rosie told Adam, 'I don’t think you have any idea how much you’ve hurt me and how much you’ve really upset me. And the worst thing is, I don’t think you care,' whilst Adam tried to make her question her interpretation of his actions towards Zara, before claiming that she pushed him away with her jealousy. Sound familiar? This is the very start of gaslighting, and again Rosie was right to be suspicious as we then saw Adam and Zara kissing later in the show.

If you feel as if this relates to a situation you're in, here are 11 warning signs of a gaslighter, as laid out by Psychology Today:


  1. Lying about their actions, thoughts or emotions
  2. Denying somthing they or you did or said, even with proof
  3. Getting personal (i.e. accusing you of having a jealous personality)
  4. Gradual worsening of behaviour
  5. Conflicting their actions with their words
  6. Throwing you off with a positive comment or action after a series of bad behaviour
  7. Making you feel confused
  8. Accusing you of engaging in similar behaviour to distract from their own
  9. Aligning their or your family, friends or co-workers against you
  10. Telling others you're crazy
  11. Telling you everyone else is a liar to make them seem like they are the truthful one
I can't urge you enough to seek help if you feel that this is happening to you. If you feel that you can't get through to the person you're in a relationship with, either talk to someone you trust and ask if they can help you through the situation, or talk to a helpline if you feel think an outside perspective will aid you more. Either way, it's important to remember that you're never 'insane' for being suspicious, that there are people out there just like you who have been through the same thing, and that you can seek help if you need it.

Useful helplines: Women's Aid, Refuge, Victim Support
Share:

Saturday 16 June 2018 / London, UK

What the hell is up with H&M's sizing?


H&M aren't doing well at the moment. Not only are they one more racist t-shirt away from worldwide boycott, their sizings are just awful.

Here, I'm wearing a polka dot dress from H&M's SS18 collection. You might have seen this on a few bloggers via Instagram. I think it's little bit of a hit, because, well, it's a really pretty dress. But all is not as it appears.

This dress kind of came to me accidentally. I didn't buy it - my sister did. I was round her place about a week ago when she gave it to me, telling me that she bought it as a size 12, took it home and upon trying it on, realised that there was no way it was actually the size that was advertised. It was much, much smaller. To put it in to perspective, I'm a size 8, and it fits me perfectly.

In what world does a 12 translate to an 8? H&M's, I guess. And this isn't the first time I've come across dodgy measurements with this brand. A pair of size 8 jeans I tried on about a year ago made me feel like I was squeezing my legs into extremely tight sausage casing. It was terrible. I think I almost cried ugly tears when I was in the changing room.

Unfortunately this is an ongoing issue with H&M. You might remember a story that surfaced a year ago, when a size 12 girl from Swansea couldn't fit into a size 16 H&M dress. Well, it turns out that the brand's sizes are actually labelled incorrectly. Apparently, they don't abide by standard sizing conversion charts, for some reason. So you're doomed from the start unless you have prior knowledge of their weird system.

Obviously, there's no problem in sizing up for clothing occasionally. You should never have to feel shameful for wearing clothing which is a size larger if that's what fits you. Not all clothing at all stores fits the standard size charts (cough, Miss Selfridge, cough). However, two sizes or even three sizes larger? That's just a joke.

What's been your experience with H&M clothing? I know that all their clothes aren't like this, becuase I've bought things from H&M which have fitted just fine. But this problem is happening all too often... am I right?



Share:
© Jen Lou Meredith | All rights reserved.
Blog Design Handcrafted by pipdig